I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
