these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize