why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
