maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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