does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
