She's JV to your varsity
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
