White coat. Heels.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
