Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
