I wanna bring you to show and tell
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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