Got a toothbrush?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
