She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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