at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
