I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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