Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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