i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
