just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
