You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
