Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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