ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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