Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
