no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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