I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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