bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize