Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
