I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
PS: I just woke up from my shower
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
