She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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