let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
