So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
