Im at strip club and am horny
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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