VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
