she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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