their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
