its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
