Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
