Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize