where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize