I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
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