i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
