Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize