just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
