Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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