You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
