where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize