So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I cut my penus on the lid.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
