Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Randomize
