So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
