True but thats because hes a fetus.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
