she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
you had me at cake vodka
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
