I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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