Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
