I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
