are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
