She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
