i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
