Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
