did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
