When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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