I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
