they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
