well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
