You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
