first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
