so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
im six kinds of drunk right now
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Randomize
