i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize