he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I lost the right to judge tonight
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
