Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
