Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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