i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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