I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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