Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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